Why High-Achieving “Good Girl” Women Struggle More in Perimenopause
For most of our lives, being a “good girl” worked.
We followed the rules.
We got good grades. Maybe even Straight A’s.
We worked really hard to do everything right.
We were the girls in gifted and talented, high honor roll, student council. The ones teachers described as “a pleasure to have in class.”
And even if we were a little anxious… a little intense… a little perfectionistic…
it mostly worked.
Until perimenopause.
Because somewhere in our late thirties or early forties, something starts to shift.
The strategies that carried us through our twenties and thirties suddenly stop working.
Your sleep changes.
Your anxiety spikes.
Your workouts stop producing the same results.
And the tolerance you once had for stress seemed to disappear overnight.
It feels confusing. And honestly, a little alarming.
But there’s a reason so many high-achieving millennial women are experiencing perimenopause this way.
And it has less to do with willpower… and more to do with biology and nervous systems.
The Nervous System Most “Good Girls” Grew Up With
Many of the women I talk to on my podcast share a similar background.
They were:
• high achievers
• anxious kids
• people pleasers
• perfectionists
• extremely responsible
Some were even later diagnosed with ADHD.
What all of these traits tend to have in common is a nervous system that runs a little “hot.”
For years, that nervous system was managed through productivity and structure.
You were always busy.
You were responsible and dedicated at work (even if your home was a disaster).
You pushed through stress.
You were one of those moms who was really involved.
Your brain figured out how to cope.
But perimenopause changes the equation.
The Hormone Shift No One Warned Us About
One of the biggest lies we’ve been sold is that perimenopause looks like having hot flashes.
There are so many more layers to it than that. It’s really a neurological shift.
Estrogen influences dopamine, which affects focus and motivation.
Progesterone supports calm and sleep.
When those hormones begin fluctuating, women often experience:
• more anxiety
• worse sleep
• increased irritability
• brain fog
• changes in metabolism
For women whose nervous systems were already working overtime, these changes can feel like someone suddenly took away any coping mechanisms they previously had to stabilize their system.
That’s why so many millennial women say things like:
“I feel more anxious than I ever have.”
“I wake up at 2:07am every night.”
“The workouts that always worked stopped working.”
You didn’t become weaker. And you don’t just need to try harder.
Your biology just changed.
The Millennial Layer
There’s another piece to this that makes perimenopause feel particularly intense for millennial women.
We were raised during the height of achievement culture.
We were told we could have it all.
Career.
Family.
Health.
Success.
And if something wasn’t working?
You optimized harder.
You read another self-help book. You found a new guru. You registered for an online course that will teach you a new skill. You tried another diet. You subscribed to a new podcast.
But perimenopause doesn’t respond well to the “push harder” strategy.
In many ways, it asks women to do the opposite.
To slow down.
To regulate their nervous systems.
To actually start LISTENING to their bodies.
And that can feel incredibly disorienting for women whose identity has been built around achievement.
Signs You Might Be a “Good Girl” Entering Perimenopause
You might recognize yourself as a Good Girl here if:
• You were in gifted and talented, high honor roll… or both
• You’ve always been the responsible one
• You feel more anxious than ever, even though nothing major in your life has changed
• You wake up at 2:07am almost every night
• The workouts that always worked suddenly stopped working
• Small things now make you irrationally angry
• You feel like your body changed overnight
If that sounds familiar, I’m sitting you down, holding your hands, looking into your eyes to tell you this,
“You are not alone.”
What Actually Helps
The conversation around perimenopause often focuses on one thing at a time.
Hormones.
Diet.
Exercise.
But what many women are experiencing is actually the intersection of four systems changing at once:
Hormones
Stress and the nervous system
Metabolism
Lifestyle
When you understand how those four systems interact, the changes you’re experiencing start to make a lot more sense.
And more importantly, you can start working with your body instead of feeling like you’re constantly fighting it.
Listen to the Full Masterclass
If this resonates with you, I recently recorded a full podcast episode breaking this down in depth.
In Episode 22 of The Next Phase Podcast, I walk through:
• what actually changes hormonally in perimenopause
• why stress hits differently in this phase
• how metabolism shifts in your late thirties and forties
• and what millennial women can do to support their nervous systems during this transition
You can listen to the full episode here:
If you’re a high-achieving (ahem, over-achieving) woman who suddenly feels like your body is behaving differently…
You’re not imagining it.
You’re entering The Next Phase.