Who Is Lauren Tetenbaum—and Why Is She Talking to Us?
Lauren is not just a therapist who tacked on “perimenopause” to her bio because it’s trendy.
She’s:
A licensed clinical social worker and former attorney
A certified perinatal mental health professional
A Fair Play Institute trainer
A long-time women’s rights advocate, supporting survivors of domestic violence, overwhelmed moms, and women in major life transitions
Now, she works with women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who are navigating:
Motherhood and identity shifts
Career pressure and burnout
Reproductive health changes
The perimenopause/menopause transition
And she wrote Millennial Menopause because she kept hearing the same story from older women:
“No one warned me.”
“I had no idea perimenopause could start in your late 30s or early 40s.”
“I didn’t know where to turn.”
Sound familiar?
Why Millennial Perimenopause Feels So… Extra
Every generation thinks they were the “fun” one, but millennials really did come of age in a unique pressure cooker.
We are:
The AIM and Nokia kids who now run on Slack, Zoom, and Instagram
The Spice Girls and boy band era that now listens to 90s playlists while unloading the dishwasher
The “work hard, play hard” class who learned to climb ladders, sacrifice sleep, and hustle ourselves into the ground
And now?
We’re:
Parenting young kids
Supporting aging parents
Trying to keep up at work
Quietly noticing our skin, hair, cycles, and moods changing
Lauren calls us the “sandwich generation on steroids.” We’re squeezed from both sides, and then someone whispers, “By the way, your hormones are changing too.”
No wonder we’re nostalgic. No wonder we’re tired. No wonder we’re like: Why do I suddenly feel like a stranger in my own body?
Are We In Perimenopause Earlier—Or Just Finally Talking About It?
One of my big questions for Lauren:
“Are we actually starting perimenopause earlier… or are we just talking about it more?”
Her answer: It’s mostly that we’re finally using the word.
The term “perimenopause” has been around since the 1960s and more commonly used in medical literature since the 1980s. But most of us never heard it growing up. I didn’t hear it until 2024.
Lauren shared that the Menopause Society actually encourages providers to start talking to women 35+ about perimenopause—just to open the door and offer basic education.
She looked around at 40 and realized:
“No one has ever mentioned this to me.”
So it’s not that perimenopause showed up out of nowhere. It’s that no one bothered to bring us into the conversation.
The Label Isn’t the Point—Your Symptoms Are
One of my favorite parts of our conversation was Lauren’s take on the whole “Is this perimenopause or just… life?” debate.
She doesn’t get hung up on the label.
“The symptoms are more important than the label.”
You might be in perimenopause. You might not. The deeper question is:
What’s bothering you?
How does it feel different than your past “normal”?
What kind of support or treatment do you want?
For Lauren, she noticed her mood felt off when she stopped using hormonal birth control. It didn’t feel like her typical anxiety or depression. It felt new. She went back on the pill (which is a form of hormone therapy) and felt better.
Was that perimenopause? Hormonal withdrawal? Just being 40?
Does it matter, if you’ve ruled out other issues and found something that helps?
The key is self-awareness + support, not obsessively trying to win a diagnosis label on the internet.
Grieving Your Younger Self—Without Getting Stuck There
We also talked about grief.
I’ve been really honest with my audience about how hard turning 40 hit me. I felt the grief most at 39—this ache around aging, around “the glory days,” around realizing my body and face and energy are changing.
So I asked Lauren:
“How do you help women honor this mourning without wallowing in it?”
Her answer was such a relief.
It’s okay to mourn your younger self
It’s okay to feel sentimental about a phase that’s gone
The grief only becomes a problem when it consumes you
She encourages women to:
Honor that younger version of themselves
Remember: “It’s not over ‘til it’s over”
Shift into: What brings me joy now? What do I want to say no to? What do I want more of in this phase?
Midlife and aging can be hard. But they are also a privilege and a gift. And when we surround ourselves with vibrant women in their 50s and beyond, we stop fearing it and start thinking:
Oh. This can actually be really good.
The Rage, the “Who Even Am I?” Moments, and Why You’re Not Crazy
If you’ve ever snapped at your kids, stared at your partner, and thought:
“Who is this demon possessing my body right now?!”
You’re not alone.
Lauren hears this all the time in her clinical work:
Women who don’t recognize themselves
Sudden surges of rage or irritability
A sense of, “This isn’t my usual anxiety or depression—this feels… different”
Those hormone fluctuations are real. They’re not “all in your head.” And they can absolutely show up as:
Mood swings
Heightened anxiety
Low mood
Irritability
Feeling like you’ve lost your coping buffer
Up to 70% of women in perimenopause experience mood-related changes. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being human.
This is where it helps to have someone like Lauren in your corner—someone who:
Knows the biology
Understands the emotional landscape
Can help you advocate with doctors who might not be up to speed
The Millennial Overwhelm Problem: “I Have Zero Time”
Let’s talk about overwhelm.
Most of the women listening to this show (and reading this blog) are not lounging around wondering what to do with their day. They’re:
Working (in or out of the home)
Raising kids
Managing invisible labor
Supporting partners
Caring for aging parents
Trying to remember the last time they peed alone
I shared a recent moment from my own life: coming home after a long day out with the kids, realizing the dog hadn’t been walked, dinner hadn’t been started, and I was completely touched out. My husband asked, “Are you okay?” and instead of saying “I’m fine,” I finally said:
“I’m not great. I’m going to need some time, but I’ll be great once I get it.”
He took one kid to Home Depot, the other hung out with my mom, and I got 30 minutes alone.
It was medicine.
And it was free.
Lauren and I both agree: we’re living in a culture that does not support women or mothers. So if you feel like you have zero time, that’s not a personal failure. That’s a systems problem.
But we do have small pockets of power:
Saying out loud: “I’m not okay right now.”
Asking: “What do I need right now?” (Quiet? A walk? A shower? Actual food?)
Demanding support from the people who share our lives
Blocking time in our calendars for our own needs, not just everyone else’s
You’re not selfish for doing this. You’re functional. You can’t pour from an empty nervous system.
Lifestyle Medicine and Real Medicine: Both Are Allowed
I love how Lauren talks about support as “both/and,” not either/or.
Lifestyle foundations she recommends:
Sleep as a non-negotiable
Nourishing food (supplements are great, but they don’t replace actual meals)
Strength training, especially for bone health and longevity
Stress reduction tools (therapy, meditation, rituals, walks, breathwork)
Social connection and community
And then there’s medical support, which we do not need to feel ashamed about:
Hormone therapy (estrogen + progesterone, in various forms) for appropriate candidates
Non-hormonal medications that can help with specific symptoms like hot flashes
SSRIs/SNRIs for mood support, when appropriate
Combination approaches based on your history and needs
The hardest part? Trial and error.
We’re tired, we want a one-click fix, and perimenopause is… not that.
But that doesn’t mean help isn’t available. It just means we need:
Providers who are actually educated about menopause
The confidence to say, “This isn’t working for me—what else can we try?”
The courage to trust our own experience
Perimenopause as a Giant Permission Slip
One of my favorite reframes from our conversation:
Perimenopause is a giant permission slip to stop pushing past your last drop and start listening to your body.
I shared the moment recently when my body was practically screaming at me to lie down. I had a small window between school pickup and the next thing. My old self would’ve pushed through with chores or work.
Instead, I took a 20-minute nap.
I woke up a different person.
No guilt. Just relief.
Lauren celebrated that choice, because rest is not a moral failure. It’s not laziness. It’s medicine.
And as we age, our bodies get louder about what they need. We can fight that… or we can start treating those signals as sacred information.
The Conversations We’re Still Not Having
We ended our conversation talking about all the places this topic needs to go:
With our friends, beyond the “kid talk” and weather reports
With women older than us, who’ve already walked this road
With younger women, so they’re not blindsided
With our partners, so they understand what’s happening and how to support us
With our kids, so puberty and menopause aren’t scary secrets
Lauren talks openly to her kids about being tired, needing quiet, and going through hormonal changes—not in a scary way, but in a “this is just part of being human” way.
We can change the story for the next generation simply by refusing to treat menopause as something shameful and invisible.
Where to Find Lauren (and Her Pink Book)
If you’re reading this and thinking, I need more of her in my life, here’s where to go:
Book: Millennial Menopause: Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause, and Life’s Next Period – available wherever books are sold
Website: millennialmenopause.com (book tour dates, services, resources)
Instagram: @thecounselorlaur
If you’re in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, or Florida, she may even be able to work with you directly as a therapist.
Listen to the Full Episode & Take Your Next Step
This post barely scratches the surface of everything we talked about—rage, identity, medical gaslighting, our nostalgia for the 90s, and why this “next phase” might be our greatest wake-up call.
🎧 Listen to the full episode with Lauren Tetenbaum on The Next Phase Podcast
(Search “The Next Phase Podcast” in your favorite app and look for the Millennial Menopause episode.)
And if you’re ready to start supporting your body through this phase instead of fighting it, grab my free guide:
👉 [Download the Cycle-Syncing Food & Energy Map for Millennial Moms]
Because this era isn’t just something we have to “get through.”
It’s our invitation to finally live in a way that works with our bodies, our energy, and our actual lives—not just the version we think we should be able to handle.